maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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