Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
handjob tips. give me some.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
