There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
