Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
this hospital has no fireball
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
