he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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