i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
