you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
