I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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