just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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