He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
