Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
