Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
