u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
