you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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