Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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