I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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