Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
