your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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