You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
