Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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