her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't make out with my wife yet
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
