I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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