If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
