Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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