im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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