he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
