I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
