Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
