If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
