my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
