U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My life is pants optional.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
