his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
