On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
