I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
