she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
