just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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