I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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