woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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