...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
