I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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