Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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