kristin has been a bad kristin
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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