I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
