PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
