just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
