i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
