just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
