yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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