...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
