remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
