Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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