Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
