Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
