I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
