I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
