Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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