She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
