from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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