at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mom said you looked used
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
