dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
