I'm jealous of your bromance
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize