Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
