My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
