You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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