I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
