U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
