he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
