I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
