you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
