May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
