1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Banned from zoo.
Again?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
