yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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