We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
