Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
