I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
