i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
